Saturday, May 21, 2011

Feelin' Down

   It's like Tyler Durden said (and I paraphrase), graduate high school, what now? Go to college and graduate, what now? Get a job. What now? Get married.

 We are stuck in this infinite loop. All of us. And we can only deviate only ever so slightly. When we first start out as kids we want to be a velociraptor when we grow up, then a dirt bike racer, then a doctor or a cop or a fireman, then a rock star, but then we all probably subconsciously realize that we aren't meant for greatness. So we settle for whatever we can get.

  I am doing nothing with my life. I mean, yeah sure, I'm going to college and whatnot but really isn't that what everybody is doing? It's just these loops that I'm jumping through to make my parents happy, to not deviate from the norm. Yeah, in the long run it'll benefit me and blah blah blah. But what do I have to live for really? I'm going to college to get a job that will support me until I die. By the time I'm done with college I feel as if my life will have already passed me by. I'm mediocre in school. I'm mediocre in life.

 I am going to be 20 and I still ask if it's ok with my folks to go out and grab a lunch with my girlfriend. I want to go out. I want to live. I want to be happily unhappy. I'm told that nothing but a fast food service career awaits me if I quit college. I know that. But all I really want out of my life in my naive state of mind is a place of my own. My two crappy jobs. And my dog named Pepe.

   I don't really need comforting. I don't need pity. I just need something to live for. I have my dreams. I have my aspirations. But it's a sad thing that they aren't enough to get me by.

   In my wildest of dreams I want to travel. I want to move from town to town and work till I can move somewhere else. In my wildest of dreams I want to have my two jobs. And when I'm finally off my second shift I'll ride my bike home (I don't really plan on owning a car). Plop down on the floor. And just boot up my laptop. Alone. But happy.

Alone. But Happy.


Dejch said...

ye well that is the way of life and if doesn't go as planned we are not happy

aether45 said...

"happily unhappy"

That's why they call it the pursuit of happiness.

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